Saturday, June 25, 2011

Another Hedonism II trip report

This is the Baron’s (and da Boss’s) official trip report from our 19th visit to Hedonism 2 resort from 05/23/11 to 06/03/11.  We spent 13 glorious days at our favorite place and enjoyed every minute of it. 
This was also the 6th year in a row for the Fantasy Girls Extreme fashion show, which was also incredible.  The Fantasy Girls EXtreme (FGX) show was born, bred, and produced  by my baby boy the first two years.  It’s always done the week before Memorial Day.  He decided to ask dear old dad to help with the music and announcing four years ago and we haven’t looked back since.    We had our best show ever this past Memorial Day.

Be warned.  This is a long one!  Read when you have plenty of time, hopefully with a nice beverage and good attitude.  For those of you that don’t know, I am a 30 year veteran professional entertainer, I do  voice work for companies all over the country along with corporate celebrations and such.  If you listen to the radio or watch TV, you’ve probably heard my voice somewhere.  I’ve played for audiences from L.A. to Vegas to Chicago to the Giant Rodent in Florida and most points between.  

After the show, momma and I always stay four extra days to ketch our breath and enjoy ourselves, which we did this trip.  I wanted to touch on some points strictly from “my” point of view.  This is not up for discussion or debate because I don’t care how you feel about how “I” feel.  This is “my” view only.  I’m not trying to push it on you or anyone else.  However, there is a polite request at the end.  Watch for it.  So, when reading, please keep that in mind.  It’s been a long time since I’ve done a trip report because of the tendency of some to tear folks who do post a report a new hole.  They have been rude, crude, and downright mean.  Because of that, I stopped doing trip reports some time ago, but, after some board chatter earlier this year, I promised the Dmon that I’d do one again, for him.  So, here ya go.

Let’s talk food.  Breakfast is and always has been my favorite meal.  It’s the same now.  Sometimes I’d go to Charlie. Sometimes, to Judge on the back wall, Charlies replacement on the weekends.  Judge is the dark complexioned  man on the other side of the egg station.  Charlies booming voice and soothing morning singing always puts a song in my heart and soul.  He just gits a little bizzy, yah no.   Judge can scramble eggs with the best of them.  Those eggs with a slice of that wonderful , sweet, unsalty ham,  a couple of slices of wheat toast and biggo glassa OJ and I’m cookin’.    Lunch is usually soup and sammich with some fruit.  Dinner is a prob, at least for me, cause I’m not really…. hungry when it’s time to eat.   Butcha know you gotta eat something, cause if you don’t, you gonna be in trouble when everything shuts down.  Course you have the midnight buffet.  I finally figgered out how to enjoy a “burger” at hedo.  I don’t do that weird  “bun” thing, just the meat and cheese.  If I do bread, I do the sammich bread the cook has behind him.  you gotta ask, but, you can get it.  Da pink weiner things?  I don’t think so.  Fries are always good, anytime of the day or night.  I even love the sweet catchup.  It’s….different.  It’s Jamaica, mon!  The fruit tray is my fav.  I can tear some watermelon and cantaloupe up!  Did the Japanese thing this time.  Great!  The chef was training a new cook, so, no flippin’ and turnin’ with the utensils.  No prob.  Good and plenty to eat!  Denva in Martinos was spot on!  Champagne was bubbly.  Loved the cool crisp a/c.  Yah Mon!  seafood pasta dish was a bit chewy, but, workable.  I was good.

Let’s talk drinks.  Not really much of a drinker, but, they’ve got all the best liquors, in moderation.  Actually, I love the local Jamaican soft drink TING.  I drank them dry in about four days.  They never got any more in during my entire trip, darn it.  Wasn’t happy bout that, but, not the end of the world.  It’s all in the way you deal wit it. Switched to diet pepsi.  I lived.   8-)   

Room stayed ice cold.  Actually had to turn dat ac off a time or two.  I understand centigrade, but, didn’t wanna mess with the t-stat.  it was all good.  TV was good.  Great reception.  I enjoy the bollywood channel.  Dey funnie!  Remote worked from the start!  Glory be!  One day we woke up and had all the hot watta we could stand, but, nothing was coming out of the cold faucet.  Nothing!  Called maintenance, after one day, they finally got it right.  Hedo did us right too.  No complaints.  Maid was stupendous!  We made sure we showed our extreme gratitude.  Security?  Had all my equipment out all over the room allatime.  Computer, wireless mike and receiver, cables, ipod, mixer.  Nothing left the room unless “I” took it out.  Wasn’t worried one bit.  Was on a bottom floor on the nude side right next to the first walk way.  Waved and grinned at nekkid people for 12 days in a row.  Biggo smiles and nothing else on, but, a towel, sometimes.  Very cool.

They have integrated the H-3 EC’s with H-2’s.  Actually, they’ve cleared out most, if not all of the old H-2 EC’s with the ones from H-3.  Megga is no longer involved with anything to do with entertainment.  No ec’ing, no singing, no nothing.  I did talk with him briefly, and he seems to be happy doing the tennis thing.  He was on vacation during our stay.  But, he is stillll Megga.  Big boomig voice.  Very large and “in charge”.   The new entertainment director from H-3 “Nick” is the man in charge.  They’ve changed their concept of entertainment a great deal, whereas, the young folks (and there are a lot of them!) work very hard to produce and perform numerous dance routines nightly.  Looks like most of them are choreographed by Bro. Winston.  There’s no way you can lose with his fingers all in it.  That man sure can dance in some high heels!!  Most of the dancers are quite good, actually.  My opinion only, Sticky Nicky has a way to go with the dancing thing.  If anybody was “off” or going to be, it was going to be her.  For the most part, they all dance very well and you can tell that they put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into each and every performance.  They’re not all “great”, but, they’re not all “bad”.  One dance routine was absolutely fantastic one night.  The Boss and I made a special point to track down Winston and let him know how much we appreciated the show and his hard work.  Please do that if you enjoy the shows, he enjoys the adulation.  A lot!    8-)  Disco was jumping most every night.  Dean from the ec crew is now the resident dj and does a great job.  I’m not a piano bar fan, so, I never went.  From what I understand, Mr. Dion is still doing a bang up job.  If that’s yo thang.

The one weak point with the new EC’s is their singing.  The melodious “Melody” needs to quit.  She is not very good.  She has one key that she can sing in and sing well.  When she tries for those other keys, forget it!  That’s the one thing that has always gets to me about Jamaican performers.  If they’re not very good, no one will tell them, so, they just keep on hitting those sour notes!  Lawd help me!  It’s not rocket science.  Damn, can’t you hear that?  If you’re off key, you’re off!  And there was some off key sangin’ during our visit.  It’s probably because I’m so used to playing and hearing the “real” thing that when I hear someone just slap “off key”, it drives me bonkers!  I had to git outta there a couple few times when Melody sang.  That hurt.   The bigger woman (ec) is much better.  I can’t remember her name right now.  You’ll know. 

Nude/prude:  alright.  This is a biggie.  The nude side was packed the whole time, except Sunday!   With 3 closing, hedo now has that market all to themselves.  It’s packed!!!  As most of you know, I used to be a nude side freak maself.  For my first 5 years in a row, I was in ma “spot”.  King of the cool pool, hanging over the edge, watchin’ da silliness.  So, I know how it works.  I’m not going to go into the specifics of what turned me off to the nude side.  If you’ve been on Dmon’s board long enough, you know.  If you’re not familiar with his board.  Don’t worry bout it, don’t really matter.  I had the honor of playing music for the Wicked Wildcat’s nude pool party one afternoon when their dj had a delayed flight.  I was there, had my equipment, Hedo asked me to help out and I said, sure, no prob.   It was my first time back to the nude side in, gracious, four years?  Nothing’s changed.  Still same old nude side.  They where having their fun.  Party on!  Just ain’t ma thang anymore, but, I don’t knock those who enjoy it.  Live and let live, but, mostly, to each his own.

There has been a lot of debate about nudes on the prude side.  Since the demise of “H-3”, Hedo seems to have taken a hands off approach.  It looks like, If nobody bitches, tain’t no thang.  I don’t think anybody did while I was there.  At least, what I could see or hear.  When I wanted to relax I went to the lower prude bar, you know, da cold watta.  Momma is and always will be hesitant, but, worked with me cause it’s ma favorite place to be now.  I LOVE the crispness of that cool watta when it’s so blamed HOT!  There were nudes who came over several times, who, I’m gathering, got tired of the noise and rowdiness of the nude side.  Personally, “I” didn’t have a problem with them….kinda.  What burned my goat wasn’t the fact that they were nekkid.  I’m good with that.  What bothered me was the licking and sucking thing.  Now, why you gotta go there?  Realizing a lot of you have no idea how many folks actually enjoy the prude side, guests and locals, you can’t really speak with authority on this.  “I” can.  There actually are quite of few folks that come thru there!  You just never see them cause you’re “over there”.  I’m not.  Remember the word “respect”?  Some don’t grasp the true meaning of it when it comes to Jamaica.  You are a GUEST in their country, not the other way around..  Yes, you’ve paid thousands of dollars to be there.  But you are still a GUEST.  You’ve have paid thousands to git yo freak on.  Keep your ass over there and do it!  Reading the Dmon’s board, it amazes me how many of you take actual ownership of “Hedo” during your paltry 7 to 14 days at their resort.  Remember that there are 300 + more days that you are NOT there.  Hedo makes a lot of money selling day passes to locals every day, who really do come to there to enjoy it just like you do – without the freakiness.  They have a blast!  It’s great to see them enjoying their time off doing the watta thang, playing beach volleyball, drinking at the bar, talking that beautiful patois (sp)  and the sort.  From what I can see, nekkid white folks don’t really “bother” them.  They just kinda ignore you.  But, C’mon man!   Have enough respect for them and yourselves to keep the freaky stuff over on the side you’re paying to have policed so hard so you can do yo freaky stuff.  

For example, i went to Ms. Anna (my friend and a wonderful woman!  She calls me Mister B) and asked her permission to bring my little radio, set it on the bar, and put it on the local Jamaican radio station “irie-fm”.  After all, it’s “her” space and I give her that respect of running it.  She always seems to enjoy when I come cause she says “You bring da music wit you, Mon.”  8-)  She makes me smile.  So, It’s about 3pm, Radio was playing reggae jams, several guests and locals where on the cabanas laughing, talking, enjoying themselves, and here comes 4 couples sauntering over from the nude side, butt booty nekkid.  They proceed to get in the pool and sit on the sides.  Now, I’m the only one in there, wit ma trunks on.  Tain’t no thang.  I didn’t say a word.  Had ma sunglasses and my biggo cabana hat on, so, they couldn’t see ma eyes or expressions.  They sat for a bit, laughing and doing the loud nekkid talking thing, maybe twenty minutes or so.  We cool.  Then one of the women decided to give her man a good lick and suck while he’s sitting on the side.  You know what I’m talkin’ bout.  Well, the whole vibe changed, at least for “me”.  It just didn’t sit right with me.  I still didn’t say anything to them.   Allavasudden, they all just jumped up and went either back to the nude side or to their rooms, or wherever, I was not mad at em for leavin’!  Good riddance!   C’mon  Man!  That is not necessary at the prude pool!!!     R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!   for  yourselves and our gracious hosts.  You cannot go ANYWHERE else on this planet and have the freedom to do that BUT on the nude side of H-2.  Stay on your side and knock yourselves out!!!   Just my two cents.  If I can get one of you hardheads, just ONE, to understand how boorish and crass that makes you look, and to please cut it out.   I’ll feel I’ve accomplished ….something!  Think about what I’m asking.  Please??????   I’ve said ma piece about this, now I’m finished with it, forever.  No more posts, No more discussions.  R-E-S-P-E-C-T!   Live and let live!!!!!!

I don’t really know how to post pics, so, I’m sending requested pics of the finished bridge to Dmon.  I’m sure he can handle it and place them where they need to be.

Thank you for your time and interest.  As promised, Dmon.  For you and only for you.  All of your hard work and dedication is not wasted.  I love you, my friend.  

One love.

The Baron


  1. The official Hedo's on ITunes at
    we love it!

  2. Things I've learned at Hedo II!


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